That exact moment when you feel everything is going well rather I should say perfect, that moment when you think you have figured out all the things in your life, you think that you have learnt a lot from your mistakes; you can even assure yourself that you are not going to make those mistakes again, life becomes so sorted on that particular moment. On that accurate moment you come back to the point where you have started. The chaos is all-over again. The perfection gets shattered, you unknowingly commit those mistakes all over again. It's that moment when you think that you finally got rid of those toxic people from your life and you are now free and you can do whatever you want, most importantly you think that you have found those people in your surroundings, who would not let you down or leave you. Approx that moment, the trusted and sorted people around you become toxic. I don't know, it is fate or anything but it feels like that those particular situations are the parts of you. It's like wherever you go or whenever you go, they will follow you, where you lead. It is like a vicious cycle.
we all want to see the bigger picture here. The questions like why do I even exist, what am I going to do in future, why am I such a big mess, why all bad things are happening to me, why am I not getting those things I do deserve, why am I such a loser, what is wrong with me, blah blah blah and so on. Those answers are never going to come to us. We try to figure out everything through our experiences, consciousness and comprehension or the perception. Those answers never come to us but we keep trying. But then some Conflict occurs and through it we get some realization. We try to solve the puzzle through the jigsaw pieces of our experiences and realisations. It is amazing that we do get the answer of those unsolvable or unanswerable questions temporarily. By those instant answers we make theories and theorems of our life. Then we put our all situations or incidents on those theories and it seems fit on that point of time. I start to think that we have solved everything. Alas! On the coming situation, our theories get disproved. We think that the new situations, those are coming to us seem similar to the previous one but it's totally a delusion. And again you are back to the square one.
Among this Godless, Nihilistic era; happiness is the only drive that keeps us going. For our sorted life we aspire for happiness. But the thing is what is happiness? Is it peace of mind or something else? Happiness, is this is a state of mind? Previously I was telling about the moment when you feel life is sorted, that moment you tell yourself or to try to convince yourself you have gotten the happiness and most importantly your peace of mind. But moment lapses and you are again in the beginning. Then again and again and again, you try to figure out everything again. The chaos all over again. You just can't run away from this maze.
Every movie about changing society, changing the world, rebellion for a good noble, cause are so fraudulent. Like in "The Hunger Game", fighting for a noble cause but after getting the power the president Alma Coin puts the rule what they were fighting against. In "Raktakarabi" or in the "Heerak Rajar Deshe" same thing happens. The put down the king, the power, they become rebel but what for? Does everything get sorted afterwards? I don't think so. History starts repeating itself and it goes on like the cycle I was talking about.
Those were the sublime references for a little creature like me. We can focus on individual. Like in "Orange is the New Black", when Piper Chapman got out of jail, she questions herself "Now What?" Exactly, now what? But before in the jail it was her only drive, aspiration & hope to get out of the Jail. But after getting the so called "Freedom", everything shattered. Like happiness, freedom is also a state of mind. Nothing will be ever sorted. It's all chaos, all anarchy, no rule, no regulation, Nothing. we all will try to figure out everything, every moment, every second but all futile project. Always you have to start at the beginning.
So now what? just saying stop judging, stop thinking too much, stop categorising life itself. Start to live the life. Don't hold onto anything too much, it will unknowingly fade away. Among these chaos, you will get some chaotic moments. Just suck the Soul out of it. Who knows that the very happy moment not able to give you the happiness again!
P.S: just stop trying to solve your life. It is going to get sorted in its own natural way.
© Avishek_Tatai_Oistic_Ghosh
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